I suck at this

I really should keep up with this since I realize this is the one thing that will keep track of what's going on with my life and my children's lives. I did not update on the circumcision situation, so here it goes: Oct 7th. We show up to this pretty old medical plaza run by Arnold Palmer children's hospital. They do outpatient services and quick surgeries, weiner snipping being one of them. We get directed to the waiting room and sit and nervously wait. I'm a wreck and think about how my husband needs to show up NOW! I wait and wait and finally get called to the little exam room. The lady who made the appt also does everything but the procedure itself. She gave me some ppwk to sign, basically a disclaimer that told me what could go wrong and I freaked out even more! I read it about a hundred times and I don't sign it, I just wait for C to show up so he could read it. "Maybe this will change his mind" I thought. He calls me and I tell him how to get to the room. FINALLY! So he reads the ppwk and says "ok? what about it?" Apparently the .001% risk of it looking "weird" or having no feeling on it after the procedure is not enough to change his mind. WHATEVER, I give up! My beautiful intact baby boy was about to become a man :-( So the lady comes back in with all the "things" that are going to be used. One of them is a plastic mold that the baby gets laid on and his legs strapped. Sounds horrible but it makes sense since they kick so damn much. The doctor comes in, introduces himself and explains what he will do and how long it normally takes. He then asks if we want to stay in the room, outside of the room, or go to the waiting room far far away. No hesitation, we are going to the waiting room. I don't want to hear it. Before we left, he ask if I had a pacifier to keep him calm and he just told me to dip it in the sugar water, and try to give it to him. He normally doesn't take it but I tried. He said not to worry and that he will do it if he needed to calm him down. We left. We waited. It was excruciating for me to have to go through this. I can't imagine what my angel was going through! I know that with S we got her ears pierced at 2 months and we were in the room but cartilage and skin removal are two different things! We wait some more. We see people walking down the hall towards the door and think that its the doctor with our child. NOPE. I see him through a small window and he waves us to come in. M is calm, wrapped up in a blanket, with the pacifier in his mouth. He hands him over to us in the room, I take him. I look down and his eyes connect with mine. He looked at me as if to say "WHAT THE FUCK WOMAN! Why did you let him do this to me?" I felt so bad, C felt bad too, we both agreed that he looked traumatized or something similar to it. His eyes looked dark like a shark. I've never spoken to anyone that has had their boy circumcised so no one tells you what to expect I guess. He said, go ahead and nurse him if he needs comfort so I did. I don't know if it was obvious that I was breastfeeding and not formula feeding him, or if he assumed that it was what I should be doing. Either way he was right. That was my job, to comfort him. He nursed fine and then the lady came in with the post-procedure instructions and to check him after 10 mins had passed to make sure there was no hemorrhaging. She said it looked great and that if we had any questions at all that we could call her cell phone any time. That made me feel better. We left, and as we were walking out I felt this weird rush down in my lady parts. I knew I was bleeding. A LOT. For some reason I assumed that I did not need to be wearing pads because my bleeding had stopped. Bad idea. It came back that day with a vengeance, and it was a combination of picking up and putting him down and all the rushing around with taking S to school and what not. And maybe the craziness from that day. C put him in the car and I went to the bathroom. I told him I was bleeding a lot and he worried. I told him its fairly normal but I need to slow down if I wanted to heal. He then started making her breakfast in the morning from that day on lol. To sum it up the next few days after this I felt like I was walking on egg shells. They say that it should take a week for it to heal and that was the longest week ever. I could not wait for me to be able to change his diaper without worrying about it falling off lol. I know I made it sound like a horrible experience and I probably sound like those anti-circumcision people, but at the time it was not a fun experience. Because it was not done at a hospital at the time of his birth, like 90% of the population does it, it was a more involved experience for me and that's why it sounded it so bad. I don't know. I'm pretty sure I would've thought about it a million times before considering it if I was single and no man was involved in my life. But its done, his wiener looks completely different. It looked a lot thinner and longer and now its thicker and short. whatever, maybe when he's older he can tell me if I made the right decision.